Coming back... Part 1

I've been getting alot of old friends reaching out & asking me to come back to the reborn community. To be honest, it's something that I have to think about long & hard. My health still isn't the best & my grandmother had a stroke recently. I was my grandmother's caretaker. She's now in a nursing home & I feel as if I let her down. She never wanted to go to a nursing home. She's unable to speak but I can see in her eyes that she understands what I am saying. She has been my life for these past few years. Questions that I ask myself are "what will u do if she doesn't make it"? I'm unable to work due to my health & I'm terrified of what I should do. So let's start by telling my journey

I started out reborning years & years ago as Ethnic Cuddles. I was so naive. I believed in the "friendships" that were made thru the love of dolls. But I never knew the ugliness inside the community. I gave all I had to the people in the community. I joined guild after guild & I shared EVERYTHING that I knew. My paint formulas & the techniques that I used for free because so many people had given the same to me. m I was a newbie & learning just like everyone else & back then, there weren't many people who made ethnic dolls. I loved the craft & the community so much. My friend Cindy & I decided to make a forum strictly for ethnic dolls & this is where my fairytale became a nightmare. In the beginning it was so very fun. Everyone was so good to each other & we all gave & learned from each other. Then, we decided to do online one on one classes. Cindy was a workhorse & my rock. She was so talented. I wish I knew where she was so that I can properly thank her. Cindy did her classes & I did mine. At the time, I didn't let anyone know that I was battling a life threatening disease. I was so terrified & became depressed & suicidal. I didn't want anyone to know what I was going thru. This was my first mistake. Instead of keeping it secret, I should have at least let Cindy know what was going on & I failed to do that. She didn't deserve that. I miss her & love her. The problem was that I became so ill that I couldn't function properly. It was a challenge to do the simplest things. I was no longer physically able to get out of bed & to be honest, teaching reborn classes was the last thing on my mind. I can't imagine the hardship that Cindy felt. But because of her integrity & the workhorse that she is, she took care of everything. She refunded people for classes all on her own & I had no idea that she had done that. I found out much much later. Cindy & I reconnected & she shared what had been going on & she was angry. She let me know just how betrayed she felt & how she had to pay everyone back hundreds of dollars because of me. I felt terrible. I began to pay her back the money she was out. I had smeared Cindy's reputation & that hurt me more than anything. She didn't deserve that. All it took was for me to tell her about my health. I was so young back then & didn't really know how to handle issues & problems. I was already depressed & I couldn't forgive myself & decided it was time to step away from reborning.

Life went on, I still had health issues but I was coping much better. I missed making dolls. I had a thousand unpainted kits & supplies around my home & decided that I was mentally ready to come back. The problem was, someone had taken my old name "Ethnic Cuddles". I was so upset about this. It was as if someone had stolen my brand that I worked so hard on. So my children help me come up with a new name. I would go forward as "Colorful Creations by Crystal". This time around would be different right? There would be no drama & no shame. I was sure of it. Right out of the gate, my dolls were selling for thousands of dollars, I was doing prototypes one after the other. I was invited to become a member of an exclusive guild for Master Artists & I was thrilled. Many of my old friends from back in the day found me & started supporting me again. I had made everything right from my past. I was sharing everything that I knew & free classes on so many forums & guilds. I was also learning new techniques from some of the best artists in the business. I was honored when someone from the "Master" Guild asked me to teach some AA classes at one of the future doll shows. I had never been to a doll show before & I was honored. I was so excited. I ordered kits, paints, brushes for my students & all of my classes sold out. Wait, what?? People are buying MY class at a doll show?? Little ole me? Let me be clear, I was responsible for everything. Even the rooms that were to be used for the classes. Then, BOOM, my dreaded disease attacked me even more ferocious this time. But I had learned my lesson from previously. My significant other let the people in the Guild know what was going on. The doll show was still months away so I still had time to make a recovery right? However, everyone started canceling the class & requesting refunds thru Paypal. At the time I didn't know what was going on because of my medial treatments & my honey didn't want me to worry. My paypal account was overdraft by THOUSANDS of dollars. People started harassing my children on Facebook. A witch hunt started & even people who hadn't signed up for the class chimed in. When I got better & found out what was going on, I was hurt all over again. This time, even more than the first time because I thought I had done everything right. I was angry & swore that I would never reborn again or share my techniques. Then, my granny had a stroke...

And here we are. I'm still not sure if I want to come back to the "ugly" part of the community. I'll have to pray about it.

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